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Marty Simpson doesn’t look like an All-American Football Player, a sports radio talk show host, or the only white guy selected to appear on a BET comedy special. Let’s be honest, he looks like Dr. Phil's heavier brother. But believe it or not, Marty was the first South Carolinian to be named a USA Today All-American Football Player.**1

Let’s reminisce, shall we, about Marty’s glory days before he had kids and his hair fell out, which oddly enough, didn't happen in that order. In 1992, Marty was the leading scorer for the Gamecocks**2 while maintaining a punting average of close to 40 yards. During that season Marty downed punts inside the 20 yard line on 20 different occasions. His 50 yard field goal versus East Carolina in a driving rain storm stood for over a decade as the longest field goal made off the ground by a Gamecock until Ryan Succup's 55 yarder versus Tennessee. We don't mind if you "suck up" to Marty when you're with him, but we do ask that you not mention the name Ryan Succup when you are around him. He's not bitter about Succup at all. Marty just gets tired of having to say things like, "No, seriously, Ryan Succup was way better than I ever thought about being," when folks ask why Succup made the pros and Marty didn't.

Click here to see video of Marty’s 61 yard field goal and his other amazing plays while at Spring Valley High School and the University of South Carolina.

So after garnering all kinds of school, state, and NCAA records {Actuall no NCAA records, but it just flowed better to write it that way} as a kicker for his high school and the South Carolina Gamecocks, Marty went on to teach drama and coach football at the high school level. Yes, you heard that correctly. Marty took his Theater degree from South Carolina and used it to take a high school football team all the way to the state championship in the fall, and then produced and directed Oscar Wilde's "The Importance of Being Earnest" to sell-out crowds that spring. Marty says, "Every fall, I just 'acted' like the football coach."

But enough about theater, let’s talk some more football. Statistically speaking, Marty was actually a pretty good football coach. Prior to becoming the head coach at Ben Lippen, the high school team had never had a winning record. But while Marty was a head coach, they made the play-offs on four different occasions and produced a winning record each season but one. Marty claims his losing season was his best coaching. He feels like the team had enough talent to go 1 and 10 and he took them to a 3 and 8 season. The players' parents of this team don't agree with Marty about this being his best year coaching, but that's because they can't fathom the truth about how awful at football their kids were.

Just for kicks, you can see a video of Marty's P.E. Trick Shots by clicking here. Or, if you’re tired of hearing about Marty, Marty, Marty... check out Samkon Gado: one of Marty's former players. Or if you aren't tired of hearing about Marty, you can check out a video of his coaching days here.

So moving on... after years of drugs and alcohol and losing his house and all of his money... oops, wrong bio. Correction... In March of 2009, Marty was the only caucasian comic featured on the B.E.T. show, "A Time to Laugh, with Vickie Winans." It was to be the Gospel version of "Comic View."

It was at this time that Marty realized that perhaps if black people**3 thought he was funny, maybe white people would too. This daring leap of logic has taken Marty throughout the U.S., garnering national recognition after becoming the winner of the 2012 Clean Comedy Challenge. Since that time, you may have seen Marty opening for Saturday Night Live's Dennis Miller (if you were at that one show, that one night), Tim Hawkins, Pauly Shore, and Last Comic Standing Winners, Jon Reep and John Heffron.

Today, Marty does indeed have that rare form of comedy that makes both young and old, black and white, tall and short.... laugh (although he does still have a hard time with Clemson fans). You can see Marty’s comedic production skills at work on a series of successful online videos including the “Domination” series about his beloved South Carolina Gamecocks or the very cool “Pregnidgerator” infauxmercial.

Marty is also a popular radio guest on Sports Talk radio in the South Carolina area. He has co-hosted the formerly popular "Corey Miller Show" on 560 The Team in Columbia, as well as made dozens of appearances on 107.5 The Game.

Marty is also a featured columnist for the Rivals.com network and a very respected football analyst. His weekly "Big-Play Breakdown" articles for the South Carolina Gamecocks have become wildly popular with more than just Gamecock fans. Here are a few examples: Article #1 and/or Article #2.

Marty also writes the occasional hard core journalism piece for the same Rivals.com network. And no matter what the Clemson message boards say about what a terrible journalist he is, or how little research he must do for his articles, these articles are rooted in 100% stone cold researched facts. They are in no way, shape or form intended to be satirical in anyway. Two of these articles are linked here: Non-Satire Article #1 and/or Non-Satire Article #2.

Marty stays busy at live standup shows throughout North America and has performed in venues from the Durham Performing Arts Center which held three thousand the night Marty performed there, to Atlanta's Uptown Comedy Corner, all the way to Los Angeles' Flappers Comedy Club. Marty's performance venues include clubs, churches, fund-raisers, festivals, corporate functions, and the occasional rock'n roll tour. Marty’s updates on Facebook, Twitter, and Youtube keep his fans and two or three of his friends laughing everyday. Follow him on twitter @MartySimpson.

**Footnotes**
**1. 1990 U.S.A. Today All-American - Marty wasn’t a real football player, he was just the kicker. But he was voted the best in the country in 1990 after setting the South Carolina state record with a 61 yard field goal and kicking the walk off winning field goal to win the Class AAAA Division 1 State Championship by a score of 3 to 0. See video of Marty's playing days.

**2. A Gamecock is a rooster that is known for its tenacity...seriously.

**3. To white people reading this bio, it is acceptable to use the term “black people” if while you are using the phrase you are not simultaneously speaking out of the mouth of a racist person.

 

Marty's Testimony

Keep Up With Marty

Marty's Athletic History

Marty Knows "The Code"